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  • Writer's pictureTehmina Meherali

Unleashing Anger

Updated: May 12, 2021

How comfortable are you with anger? Loaded question, ain't it?


Let me re-phrase:


How comfortable are you with other people's anger towards you?

Towards someone else?


How comfortable are you with your own anger?


Do you disown your anger? Pretend it's not there, or deflect it in some way, either by making jokes, or by getting quiet, or sad, so you can bypass the anger highway?


I may have done this lately.


I wasn't even aware the dance of anger was still residing in me - in very hidden places - until someone pointed it out in a unique way. Through intuitive art and song. For more information on a fascinating session I had, check out: www.robinlandsong.com


But back to my disowned anger. Its secrecy came as a surprise.


What are you still doing here?

I thought I had let you go.

I've done A LOT of emotional processing to ensure you're gone.

I work with others to help them process their own anger and emotions.

So what are you still doing here? In me? In a vacant spot, rent-free?


I have come to see that people who think they don't get angry are the ones who have usually repressed this emotion the most. It's a valve that was shut off long ago as a way to survive whatever was going on in childhood.


Can't escape our childhood woes, can we?

'Fraid not.


That's when our survival mechanisms kicked in.

We did the best we could then.

But somehow that coping isn't working anymore in adulthood.


So what am I doing about my repressed anger...nay, my sometimes-rage?


Talking to my Little Girl. You know, the one who resides in me. The one whose fists are curled up in a ball. The one who never had a chance to voice the injustice around her, or to speak out against innumerable physical and emotional abuses, big and small.


But I will be gentle with her. She's not entirely sure it's safe to unleash her anger just yet. After all, she saw what would happen if she dared raise her voice. Or worse, throw a tantrum.


I will talk to my Little Girl. And I will be gentle with her.


In the meantime, the adult of me will connect to my body. It is where the anger resides after all. There is a very helpful book on trauma called, The Body Keeps the Score. The body remembers where, when, and how we adapted to stave off physical and/or emotional threat. Yes, emotional trauma is very real. And so are traumas we experience in adulthood.*


So I will move my body. Freely. Unabashedly.

I will run. I will bounce. I will do jumping jacks. I will dance wildly. I will feel my heart pound in my chest. I will inhabit all the spaces in my body.


And when my Little Girl is ready, she may scream into a pillow. Loudly.

She may rip up a phone book. Gladly.

She may take a plastic baseball bat and hit a bed. Hard.

She may take a tennis racquet and hit a large cushion. Hard.

She may swear. Loudly.

She may cry messy tears. Because she's finally allowed to.


All of this may not look pretty. But at least then the outside will match the inside. Until the inside feels more healed. Less fragmented. More whole. Because that's what healing means. Being restored to wholeness.


And then? Who knows? Perhaps the adult of me won't be so uncomfortable with anger. Perhaps then I won't let it secretly harbor or fester in hidden spots creating dis-ease or wreaking emotional havoc.


Don't get me wrong. My intent is not to take the anger out on someone else in real time. That would just be misaligned anger, which is what creates trauma messes in the first place.


No. This dance of anger is for me to empty out the tank. Safely. Freely.


There is a line from a Karen Drucker song that keeps filtering into my mind. It's perfect for when we're ready to embark on the anger highway:


Don't worry, there are no anger police on this highway, and you won't be told to slow down or to go faster. Just don't be tempted to take the bypass route. It may take twice as long to come Home.


Copyright © Tehmina Meherali, May 2021


* This is an excellent article on what trauma is and how it can manifest at any point in our lives -How Trauma Lives in the Body - Healing Your Trauma (goodhousekeeping.com)

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